“Freedom is not something that anybody can be given; Freedom is something that people take and people are as free as they want to be.” ~ James Arthur Baldwin
Ladies, let’s take a moment to consider restrictions on your freedom to live your life to the fullest due to the influences and expectations of others. To some extent everyone is “Other-People Defined” (OPD). We are all influenced by cultural and societal norms, however some individuals find themselves (often unknowingly) shaping their decisions and limiting their options based on what is considered to be a preferred or acceptable path. In doing so, certain true desires become buried in exchange for what they believe should be desired due to financial rewards, status, commonality and so on.
Our Society places very clear positive labels on career choices, for example, that are prestigious while imposing the opposite on other fields. The result is that many people find themselves feeling unfulfilled and going through the motions of life.
To use the same example of profession, the opposite can also occur when OPD is at work. There are many women who dream of a career in fields that they believe are beyond their capabilities because they have heard messages that they cannot succeed based on their socio-economic status or intellect.
OPD in Action
The movie, Because I Said So, starring Diane Keaton and Mandy Moore offers a humorous, exaggerated illustration of what many women say they struggle with in terms of the influence of OPD and their life decisions. Diane Keaton, who plays the mother (Daphne), was committed in her mission to ensure that her youngest daughter (Milly) marries the “perfect” man. In the end, she admits that she did not want her daughter to follow in her footsteps and end up alone. She screened the men, ruled out those who appeared to lack financial stability, and then applied ample amounts of pressure in not so subtle ways. The inner conflict that her daughter experienced was apparent – in one relationship she felt accepted and understood while in the other relationship she seemed belittled. It was not until she was angry with her mother that she recognized the external influence to maintain the second relationship.
Milly remained in a relationship that restricted her from full expression and reinforced the negative beliefs that she had already accepted about herself. She did this because it appeared to be a great opportunity and the right thing to do. Not only did she lack knowledge about her values, vision, and self-worth, but at times when the inner conflict led to confusion about the relationship, Milly failed to trust her gut. How many times has this happened to you? Your meter is beeping…You can hear the warning signs, but for a multitude of reasons the alarm is silenced. You stay – in the relationship, in the job, in the school, in the home, and so on. What you believe is right stems from the values and desires of others and then becomes the basis for your story. Few women have stated that they have reached their highest life potential by walking in the path created primarily by others. That completely conflicts with the mind health practices from which your magnificence thrives.
One of the primary hallmarks of the magnificent mind is an ability to find the freedom to be yourself- authentically, fully and unapologetically. Remember: you will experience life wealth when you achieve mind health.
Affirmation: I am free to be me. I embrace my truth. I am limitless.
How have you allowed yourself to be limited by others?
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